3 comebacks for backhanded compliments:

Slowly repeat what they said back to them… pause & look at them for a few seconds.

Slowly repeating their words forces them to hear what they actually said. This can be disarming because it highlights the awkwardness or negativity hidden within the compliment. The pause gives the person a chance to realize their comment wasn’t as nice as they intended it to be and the chance to rephrase it. It can also project confidence on your part because you’re not taking the bait of getting flustered, and you’re giving them space to acknowledge the awkwardness.

Right? Thank you for noticing X.
Focus on the positive of the backhanded compliment & expand on it.

By acknowledging the compliment, you take away the power of the hidden insult. It shows you’re confident and not easily flustered. Especially in professional settings or with acquaintances, it can keep things civil and avoid an argument. And If the person wasn’t trying to be malicious, they might elaborate on the positive aspect you highlighted.

Was that meant to be a compliment?

This one is good because it directly addresses the awkwardness or insincerity of the original statement. It forces the person to explain themselves and they either have to clarify their intention (maybe it wasn’t a compliment) or rephrase it in a more genuine way.

Need more help with communication & relationship skills? Want to feel more empowered? Book a 1:1 by heading to the Book a session tab above.

Xo,
Dr. C