3 comebacks to use when they put you down or belittle you.

-What makes you say that?

This response forces a response, calling them out for what they said, and holding them accountable. By asking them to explain, you shift the focus to their behavior. It highlights that their approach wasn’t okay. And it can be disarming because they were relying on a power imbalance to get away with it. It also buys you time to collect yourself and decide on your next step. Do you need to defend yourself further, or can you simply disengage.

-How would you like me to react to that?

This response disarms the putdown and takes the power from their insult. By asking how they want you to react, you force them to consider the situation from your perspective. Their goal was likely to make you feel bad, and your question challenges that expectation. It puts the focus on them and shifts the attention away from you and onto their behavior. They may have to confront the fact that their words were intended to be hurtful. It also creates an awkward moment for them. This question can be unexpected, leaving them flustered and unsure how to respond.This awkwardness can take the sting out of the initial insult.

-How about a compliment instead?

This response works because it calls out their negativity, this lets them know their put-down wasn’t subtle and needs to be addressed. By asking for a compliment instead, you shift the focus to something more positive. You also don’t stoop to their level by throwing insults back. You could say: “How about a compliment instead of a dig.”

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Xo,
Dr. C