Tips for how to properly do Elf on the Shelf for your kids

Hi all,

Excited to share with you a brand new Dr. C post and today as we near the holidays, we’re talking about elf on the shelf, a popular Christmas-time tactic to get kids to behave well and do the chores, so they get the presents from Santa. But does it work? And if it does, how we do properly do it so we don’t reinforce bad behavior? Let’s chat Elf on the Shelf tips!

Elf on the Shelf: Bribery or positive reinforcement?

I know some believe Elf on a Shelf to be a form of Bribery. But it’s actually not, if done properly. The key is the difference between positive reinforcement and a bribe.

Bribery is when we give a child what they want first, and then the child will promise to behave after. For ex: my child is screaming in the grocery store and I tell them if they stop screaming, I’ll give them what they want. In that scenario, my child will have also learned that screaming gets them what they want.

Positive Reinforcement is when the child only receives the prize after the child does the good behavior. So here, they learn that they need to behave first to obtain the prize.

Tips to do Elf on the Shelf

So here’s how we can use the elf as tool, while the parent teaches the desired behavior and not, actually, the elf:

Have the elf give a note with specific behaviors (no more than 1-3) to work on that day. These should be ones they need help with.

Throughout the day, the parent should praise the specific behavior. Instead of saying “Great job”, be specific and say, “Good job making your bed.”

When the elf reports back the next day, instead of offering small daily prizes and presents, provide additional genuine and specific praise and hugs. “I love how yesterday you made your bed, folded your clothes, and put them away, I’m so proud of you.”

I hear you: But Christie, what if we want to give more constant smaller prizes or gifts? ?Glad you asked! The key is that they are given after a certain amount of days. Think of it like we earn a paycheck after working for a certain amount of time. Consider maybe doing every Friday, you, the parent are giving small rewards while we wait for Santa to give us the big reward.

Will you be implementing an elf on the shelf this year? Let me know in the comments below!

xo,

Dr. C