How to deal with one uppers

3 comebacks for someone who always brags or one-ups you:

To make sure you’re not accidentally coming off as a one-upper or bragging, after someone shares a story, make sure to ask them at least 1 question to express your interest in what they just shared and then ask if you can share a similar story of something that happened with you.

Here are some suggestions for how to handle a one-upper or someone who always brags:

-If this is someone you care about, be assertive and call it out and/or let them how how it makes you feel. And if this is a mother-in-law, try asking your partner to first talk with their parent about it.

“Oh yeah? I can’t wait to hear more, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on what I said first.”

-If this is a coworker or someone you see often but don’t want to have a relationship with, you want to first minimize the opportunities you’re around this person for your peace & if that’s impossible then make sure to not share good news with this person because they’ll always be there ready to one-up you or brag about when they had it better. Keep responses short & neutral to not accidentally feed into the behavior.

Say: “Interesting” then redirect back to the original conversation or change it.

-If this is a complete stranger or someone you will likely never see again: It’s best to either offer a short, neutral response like, “okay,” and then redirect the conversation or excuse yourself. It’s not worth your energy.

Smile, say “okay,” and change the topic or say, “if you’ll excuse me, I totally forgot to do something, then pick up your phone and walk away.”

If you need more help with assertive communication or relationship skills, book a 1:1 with me by heading to the Book a session tab above.

Xo,
Dr. C