How to respond when they say: "I was just kidding"

“I was just kidding,” is a great tactic to use when someone is gaslighting you, enjoys being rude, or they have trouble expressing their feelings and uses a joke to mask them. Here are some suggestions with how to reply:

-I guess I learned something about you today…
When they follow up, say, “you’re not very funny.”

This is an example to use with someone that has a pattern of doing this all the time or they had bad intentions.

In this scenario, the goal of saying this is to shift the power dynamic so they know not to mess with you and make jokes at your expense. It’s important to not give them any reaction when you’re speaking to them because if they know they get a rise out of you, they’ll continue to do it for that hit of dopamine.

-It sounds more like something’s wrong, are you okay?

This is an example to use with a friend, family member, or coworker, that likely didn’t have bad intentions but is using a joke to mask their true feelings.

In this scenario, you want to directly call it out so you can resolve whatever the underlying issue is.

-Calmly ignore them, change the conversation or smirk and walk away.

This is an example to use when you’ll likely never see this person again or you tend to have minimal contact.”

In this scenario, it’s not worth your energy to engage so either ignore the response and redirect the conversation or excuse yourself.

Need more help with assertive communication or relationship skills? Book a 1:1 with me by heading to the Book a session tab above.

Xo,
Dr. C