What to say & do when you’re asking for a Job Promotion or Pay Raise without feeling awkward or pushy
You’ve done the work. Hit your goals. Shown initiative. Now it’s time for the part that feels the hardest for most people, asking to be recognized. Here’s the good news: You don’t need to second guess your way through it or wait for someone to magically notice your effort. Here are the exact phrases, mindset tools, and psychology tips to help you confidently ask for a raise or promotion, without sounding entitled or unsure.
Step 1: Lead With Value
Before you ask, ask yourself:
What outcomes have I helped improve?
What problems have I solved?
What responsibilities have I taken on that go beyond my job description?
How does my current compensation compare to similar roles in the industry?
Don’t downplay your impact. Vagueness keeps you stuck. Use specific, clear language that positions your ask as a next step, not a favor. Most people come in saying “I was hoping to talk about…” or “I just wanted to ask if…” But when you open with vagueness or self-doubt, it sets the tone that you’re unsure even when your performance says otherwise.
Avoid:
I feel like I deserve this…
It would mean so much to me…
Other people are getting more…
Instead, use these word-for-word phrases that communicate your value clearly. These work because they’re collaborative, not confrontational.
Exact phrases to use:
“Over the last 6 months, I’ve led [Project X], improved [Metric Y], and supported [Team Z]. I’d love to talk about how we can align that with my title and compensation.”
“What benchmarks would you need to see from me to be considered for a promotion?”
“I’d like to schedule time to talk about my growth in this role and what the next step looks like.”
“Is there a formal promotion cycle, or do we have flexibility in reviewing titles and compensation?
“I’d love to revisit my compensation so it reflects the contributions I’ve been making.”
Step 2: Choose Your Timing Strategically
Avoid asking when:
Budgets are frozen or just closed
Your supervisor is visibly overwhelmed
You’re still recovering from a major mistake or role transition
Do ask when:
You’ve wrapped a high-visibility project
You’ve been taking on more without additional pay
You’ve had consistently positive feedback or reviews
Step 3: Regulate Before (and After) the conversation
The #1 reason people freeze up or undersell themselves is nervous system dysregulation. You’re not underqualified, you’re overwhelmed.
Before the conversation try:
Diaphragmatic breathing to calm your nervous system. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds. When breathing deeply, make sure your belly rises, not your chest. That means your diaphragm is doing the work and activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calms your body and mind, helping reduce anxiety and prevent fight or flight freeze responses.
Power posture (stand tall for 2 minutes before the meeting).
Rehearse your ask aloud to build muscle memory.
Write out your impact in bullet points so you don’t lose your train of thought
After the conversation:
Debrief: What worked? What would you tweak?
Self-validate: You did something most people avoid and that alone is a leadership move.
Step 4: Dress Like the Role You Want
Yes, seriously. What you wear shifts how people see you and how you see yourself. This is called enclothed cognition and wearing something that signals confidence, power, and competence can help prime your brain to show up with more authority. Pieces of clothing that can help increase perceived authority, confidence, and competence include:
A structured blazer in dark or neutral colors like black, navy, charcoal gray, or camel or olive. Blazers signal competence, leadership, and authority.
Wear a single color head to toe. This creates a streamlined, powerful visual and subconsciously signals confidence and cohesion. Try this in black, white, beige, or rust.
Pointed toe shoes are associated with intention. They help you feel grounded and put together without looking overdressed.
Minimal jewelry. Over accessorizing can reduce perceived seriousness.
Tailored trousers or midi-length skirts. Tailored silhouettes signal control and intentionality whereas, loose and unstructured clothing can come across as more casual or uncertain.
Colors that boost psychological authority:
Navy Blue: Trust, stability, competence.
White/Cream: Clarity, honesty, directness.
Black: Authority & seriousness
Earth tones like camel, rust, or olive: Warm authority without being aggressive.
This isn’t superficial. It’s science.
Step 5: What to Say If They Delay, Stall, or Say “Not Now”
This part matters. Your calm, confident response even in the face of delay positions you as leadership material.
Say this if they stall:
“Thanks for your honesty. Would you be open to revisiting this in 3 months if I hit [specific goal]?”
“What would need to happen on my end to make this a yes the next time we talk?”
“Could we create a roadmap or set benchmarks so I know exactly what to work toward?”
Step 6: When Imposter Syndrome Creeps In
You’ve been operating at the next level but your brain might still whisper: Who do you think you are to ask for more?
Confidence-building tools:
Create a ‘brag file’ with accomplishments, screenshots of praise, and metrics.
Read it the night before your ask.
Visualize the conversation going well (this rewires your stress response).
Practice your phrases in front of the mirror. Yes, seriously.
Even with data and preparation, imposter syndrome, scarcity fears, or rejection sensitivity can kick in. Remember that this isn’t about being deserving or perfect. This is about alignment between your current role and your current impact. Asking isn’t demanding. Advocating for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s responsible. A no isn’t judgement, it’s just data. It might mean not now, not never.
Remember This:
If you don’t name your value, it might stay invisible. Speaking up isn’t pushy, it’s a strategic move that tells people you’re ready to lead. You don’t need to wait for permission. You just need to communicate your worth clearly. You’ve got this.
And if you need more help you can head to the private, community forum and ask for help! We’re here for you. And if you need more tailored advice, you can book a 1:1 with me by heading to the book a session tab above.
Xo,
Dr. C