Unlearn people-pleasing in these 3 steps.

If you’ve ever struggled to say no, worried too much about what others think, or felt guilty for setting boundaries - this is for you. People pleasing isn't kindness - it’s a fear of rejection in disguise. If you don’t learn to set boundaries, resentment will eventually do it for you. 

 If you’ve ever…

-Worried too much about what others think

-Felt guilty for setting boundaries

-Said yes just to keep the peace 

 You might be stuck in the People-Pleasing Cycle - where you prioritize other’s comforts at the cost of your own.

 
The people pleasing cycle:

Step 1: You say yes when you want to say no (to avoid conflict, disappointing someone, or wanting to be liked)

Step 2: You constantly feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or resentful.

Step 3: You tell yourself it’s not a big deal and suppress your own feelings (This leads to bottled-up frustration that comes out in passive-aggressive behavior or you explode). 

Step 4: The cycle repeats - because saying yes has become an automatic response to avoid guilt or feeling discomfort. 

 
The problem? Avoiding feeling uncomfortable today creates bigger problems tomorrow for you. Burnout, lack of self-respect, and imbalanced relationships where people take advantage of your willingness to please. 

 The good news? You can unlearn people-pleasing - and I’ll show you how. 

 
Here’s the 3-Step Formula to Quit People Pleasing 

 Step 1: Identify your People-Pleasing Trigger

People-pleasing isn’t one-size-fits all - it’s driven by different fears and unlearning it starts with one thing: understanding why you do it. 

 Which one sounds like you?

 -The Approval Seeker: you say yes because you want to be liked. (Friendships and social life struggle). 

-The Conflict Avoider: you say yes to avoid tension or awkwardness. (Work, family, parenting struggles).

-The Over-Helper: you say yes because you feel responsible for fixing things. (Parenting guilt hits hard here). 

 Quick fix: Before saying yes, pause & ask: Am I saying yes because I truly want to - or because I’m afraid of saying no? 

 Step 2: Break the Automatic “Yes” Habit

 Hint: People-pleasers respond too quickly too fast to avoid discomfort. Make sure to pause before responding, it creates space for a different choice. 

 Instead of immediately saying yes, try saying this: 

-Let me check my schedule and get back to you. (Great for setting social boundaries). 

-I need a little time to think about that. (Perfect for when family asks for favors you don’t want to do). 

-I’ll let you know in bit. (A lifesaver for parenting situations where you feel pressured to say yes).

 Try this: Next time someone asks for your time, practice delaying your response. A pause gives you control.

 Step 3: Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Saying No isn’t selfish - it’s self-respect. And you don’t need an excuse or a long explanation. 

 Here’s how to say no without sounding rude: 

-I’m flattered but I can’t. (Declining an invitation or opportunity you’re not interested in). 

-I appreciate the offer, I promised myself (insert boundary). (For when you’re being pressured to do something you don’t want to). 

-I have to meet my current deadlines, so I have to pass on this for now. (For declining work requests without guilt). 

 Try this: Choose one low-stakes situation this week to practice saying no. The more you do it, the easier it gets. 

 You’ve already taken the first step. Now, let’s make it a habit. 

 Thanks for reading! 

 Xo,

Dr. C