Why mean girls use gossip to hurt you and phrases to shut down gossip
-What happened before that?
-No spoilers - I’ll let her share that with me when she’s ready.
-Did she say it was okay for you to share that with me?
-Are you unsure about inviting her?
Grown mean girls use gossip not just to spread information, but to control how others see you. Their tactics are often subtle & hard to detect - making it hard to call them out. If you suspect someone is doing this try using any of the below statements. And if they’re gossiping about you or talking behind your back and you want to address it, search for “comebacks to use when they’re talking behind your back” in the search bar. Here’s how they use gossip to hurt you:
-They share half of the story to make YOU look like YOU’RE the problem. They conveniently leave out key details so that when others hear about the situation, you come across as unreasonable or dramatic.
Why they do it: They want control over the narrative. By twisting the truth just enough, they make sure others see them as reasonable and you as the difficult one.
If you suspect someone is doing this try using any of the below statements. Any if they’re gossiping about you or talking behind your back and you want to address it, search for “comebacks to use when they’re talking behind your back” in the search bar.
If you suspect someone is doing this try saying: What happened before that?
-They spread information about you under the guise of “concern” while protecting their “GIRL’S GIRL” image. This is how they look supportive while still spreading gossip. They share your struggles, not to help, but to make sure others see you as messy or unstable.
Why they do it: They want to keep their “nice girl” reputation while still making sure others question you. If anyone calls them out, they can play innocent: “I was just trying to help!
If you suspect someone is doing this try saying: No spoilers - I’ll let her share that with me when she’s ready.
-They pretend to be supportive in private—then spill your secrets with others. They want to be the person who knows everything—not to help, but to have leverage. For example: “Omg, I feel SO bad for her… she told me that…”
Why they do it: It makes them feel powerful. Knowing information that others don’t gives them social currency, so they can use it for attention, influence, or to manipulate situations in their favor.
If you suspect someone is doing this try saying: Did she say it was okay for you to share that with me?
-Instead of outright saying, “Let’s not invite her,” they say things that make others second-guess their relationship with you. Rather than openly excluding you, they plant just enough doubt that others hesitate to include you.
Why they do it: Exclusion is about control. If they can make you seem “off” or “not a good fit,” they can push you out while keeping their hands clean.
If you suspect someone is doing this try saying: Are you unsure about inviting her?
If you need more help navigating grown mean girls book a 1:1 with me by heading to the “book a session” tab above or heading to the private, community forum and commenting anonymously what you need help with - I and others will chime in to support you - you’re not alone!
Xo,
Dr. C