How to tell the difference between a Compliment & Subtle Dig + Comebacks When Someone Doubts Your Hosting Skills
-Actually came out nice? What do you mean by that?
-What were you expecting?
-I do love a good underdog story.
-That almost sounded like you had some doubts.
For a more in-depth explanation and breakdown of comebacks to use when someone doubts your hosting skills, read below:
Ever had someone say something that sounded like a compliment, but left you feeling… off? That’s because not all compliments are real—some are laced with just enough doubt to make you second-guess yourself. The reason why people give backhanded compliments is because they want to keep the power dynamic in their favor, as they want to appear supportive without actually lifting you up. They also do it to mask jealousy or insecurity because they can’t outright compliment you, so they will add doubt to soften it for themselves. And they do it to test your confidence, they want to see if you’ll shrink, over-explain, or seek their approval.
Here’s how to tell the difference between a compliment and a subtle dig + comebacks to use the next time you’re hosting and someone makes you doubt your hosting skills.
-If it includes “actually” - it’s a subtle dig
"Wow, it Actually turned out nice."
The word “actually” suggests surprise and exposes their doubt, implying they didn’t expect it to look good.
Other words that expose a subtle dig:
• Surprisingly → “This is surprisingly good!”
• Didn’t expect → “I didn’t expect this from you!”
• Almost → “This is almost perfect!”
• Better than I thought → “This is way better than I thought it would be!”
-If it makes you second guess yourself - it’s not a real compliment.
“This is adorable. Next time you should try...”
It sounds polite on the surface but plants doubt about your skills, choices, or execution.
-It it comes with a comparison - it’s a subtle dig.
“So nice! I saw something just like this, it had many more flowers & it was stunning”
At first glance, it sounds like a compliment but it still feels off. It does so because it shifts the focus to something “better” they just saw, implies yours is lacking, while suggesting yours could have been better and creating self-doubt.
Subtle digs make you doubt yourself, have a second meaning, and imply that something is missing, needs fixing, or that you need their approval. A real compliment? Lifts you up, focuses on the now, and doesn’t require you to explain yourself.
Need more help navigating a specific relationship book a 1:1 with me by heading to the book a session tab above or by heading to the the private, community forum (create an anonymous name at sign up) and ask a question - I reply to each question and others will chime in too!
Xo,
Dr. C