Are you their friend or therapist? How to fix a one-sided friendship & phrases to use when they never ask about you.
-"I just noticed I've been doing all the asking. Let's mix it up"
-"Wait, I just realized I've been the one asking all the questions. Your turn."
-"I’ve noticed I tend to be the one asking all the questions when we catch up, and I'd love for it to feel more balanced. I want to share too!"
For a more in-depth explanation on how to fix a one-sided relationship where you tend to always be the listener and your friend’s therapist, then keep reading below:
Are you tired of being the listener? Do you have a friend that never asks about you and it’s always about how you can best support them? When a conversation feels one-sided, it can make you question the depth of the friendship, especially when you're the one doing all the asking while they share about themselves.
Here's What's Happening: Some people naturally dominate conversations without realizing it while others assume that if you have something to share, you'll bring it up on your own. But some people do lack self-awareness and don’t realize they’re monopolizing conversations. Others may also be emotionally dependent and will use friendships as a space to process their own struggles. If you’re starting to feel bothered and resentful then take that as a sign that you've craving more reciprocity in your friendships, which is 100% valid.
Here's How To Address It:
Instead of calling it out directly ("Are you guys going to ask me anything?"), try a softer but still assertive approach. Here are 3 different ways you can try - pick the one that feels most natural to how you speak:
These two approaches are playful and for friends who just need a little nudge.
-"I just noticed I've been doing all the asking. Let's mix it up"
-"Wait, I just realized I've been the one asking all the questions. Your turn."
If this is a pattern try saying: "I've noticed I tend to be the one asking all the questions when we catch up, and I'd love for it to feel more balanced. I want to share too!"
This is a clear and direct way to set a new expectation).
Here are signs to be mindful of that tell you the friendship won’t improve:
-They continue to dominate conversations even after you’ve spoken up.
-They dismiss or brush past what you share.
-They only engage with you when they need something.
What to do if it’s time to step back:
-Lower expectations and stop seeking depth where it isn’t there.
-Reduce emotional energy and don’t always rush to support them.
-Seek reciprocal friendships and invest in people who show interest in you.
Key Takeaway:
if they care about you, they'll just adjust and make space for you to share. But if this pattern continues and they show no interest in your life, it's worth considering whether the friendship is as mutual as you'd like it to be. If you have a specific situation for me to chime in then head to the community forum and share anonymously. And if you’re looking for more personalized help, then book a 1:1 with me by heading to the book a session tab above.
xo,
Dr. C